The Diet Plan

The Diet Plan

Time: 10.30 ish PM

Date: 4 June 2014, which was day before yesterday

Location: My Bedroom

Occasion: Power cut, and the laptop battery died out

“How unfair! Those ****ing KSEB ppl!” As I would do every time the power goes off, I cursed the electricity board yet another (countless + one) time without fail, and crept on to the bed, frustrated. Ok, calm down, it might come in a few minutes. I took a deep breath. Think for a while. Think Think Think. What to do tomorrow? Where all to go tomorrow? (The passport-birth-certificate fiasco is eating my head these days) Which all movies do I watch tomorrow? What do I eat tomorrow? Ha, food! Got a topic to think on. Thinking about what would be for breakfast, I touched my little potbelly. Suddenly, I thought of the number shown on the weighing machine last day. Fifteen kilograms past my target! How, when would I achieve it? The futile attempts of diet and jogging for the last few years flashed through my mind. No, no. Past is past. What was futile was futile. I should be determined now. I should. I should reduce at least 10 kg in this month. What to do about it. Working out, jogging, daily basketball all wouldn’t work out. I wouldn’t continue after 2-3 days. So, I decided I have no option than to control my food. Learn to take just little of what your mother makes. Do not fall in the temptation of taste. Have food only when you are absolutely hungry. I was determined.

The next morning came. I woke up late. I was still determined. After reading newspapers and brushing my teeth, I asked, “What’s there?” Oh, it’s chakkappuzhukku (a jackfruit based dish, English doesn’t matter, it’s super-tasty!). I should take very little. I took two spoons of puzhukku and dried-prawn chutney. It was heaven! Was watching something in the laptop while eating. When the plate almost got empty, I was having a struggle in my mind. Should I? Shouldn’t I? Should I not? Why mother why? Why do you make good food? At last I convinced myself I am having breakfast and lunch together and settled for two more spoonfuls. Evening, I kept my word regarding taking less with the rice that was cooked, but then couldn’t resist emptying the plate in which the puzhukku was kept. So, day 1 determination, epic fail!

Today morning. I was determined, again. I shouldn’t fail. I can do it. The jackfruit temptation is over. Control, control. I had to go to Mukkam in the morning itself. I left after realizing that it was chapathi for breakfast and decided I should hold off hunger until I am back. I can do that. I left. At Mukkam, after I finished my first task of the day and was waiting for a travel agent office to open, i felt really hungry. I thought of the chapathis at home. It would be an hour anyway before I got home. I walked around for a while. I couldn’t resist. I went and had an egg puff and strong tea from restaurant (slowly, slowly, savouring every bit of it). Mia Culpa, Mia Culpa. I promised myself I would eat only two chapathis at home since I had the egg puff.

I came back. Sat along with Akhil to watch Modern Family while having breakfast. I had taken three chapathis, not two. I knew that I would need one more. That’s enough for me. I am determined. I had just taken half of an egg from the egg roast curry, for dietary reasons. The three got over. I am stopping. No, no, don’t tempt me. Don’t, you tasty food, don’t! I ended up having another one, and another one, and another one, and a half. There, I stopped (The last chapathi had been taken by Akhil). I must confess that I took the other half of the egg too. So, six and half chapathis, one egg, one egg puff, one tea, one black tea- my dietary breakfast of today. Late lunch wasn’t so different either (rice, sambar, dried prawns chutney, cherupayar-how could I resist?).

I know it’s just long blabber about food. But you know, it’s the story of my life. It’s 9 PM now. I am going to have dinner (This is my last non-diet dinner, I should eat well and prepare). I am determined now. I will control my food, I will be on a diet, starting tomorrow morning, again… 

It’s the story of my life. 

Such a cliché name but 'Hyderabad Blues'- Part I

The Beginning

So, the plan to go for a short visit to Hyderabad starts more than a month ago. For a long time before that half of the phone conversations between Divya* and me were about Hyderabadi Biriyani, the campus, Kim Fung restaurant, and many other things that we miss in our homeland.

*(Divya doesn’t wish to reveal her real name in this piece… Her fake name which she chooses is Anamika Menon; for writing convenience I have shortened the fake name to Divya)

Once we were fixed on going, we abandoned all the plans to pursue Hyderabadi Biriyani in Kochi. We just let know three people about our arrival in Hyderabad on 7^th March and asked them to keep the secret- which they did very well. And then, the day of our departure came. I came to Ernakulam North Railway Station and found the super-excited Divya and we boarded the train together. The journey was generally uneventful except for re-living our most favourite classroom memories- we played Bingo, Paper Cricket, Tic Tac Toe, and Poojyam Vettu (no idea what it is in English) just like we did in the back bench of MCJ classes (along with fellow-culprits Rohith, Hanuma, Megha, Anwesha, Omen, Ananthu, and sometimes Asher).

Once it was almost time to reach Secunderabad, my heart started beating faster. Once we got down, without any delay (except for the bad Selfie in front of the station for Whatsapp) , we rushed to Alpha Hotel right opposite- Biriyani calls!

First Biriyani is the Best Biriyani

The waiter takes order; the waiter brings onion and lemon; the waiter brings water; the waiter brings ‘mirchi ka saalan’; the waiter brings ‘raitha’; and finally, the ‘Hundi’ of Biriyani arrives! We watched with sparkling eyes- the fine white and yellow rice being served in our plates slowly and gently from the overflowing Hundi, the chicken piece being divided in two, the orange-red coloured masala part of the rice being served- we looked at each other and smiled- the smile of eternal food salvation! Before taking my first taste I just looked at it- the colours, the aroma, the presence- Ha, food bliss! Divya had already started eating after taking a few pictures for her ‘for memories’ phone gallery. I slowly poured the saalan on top of the biriyani. I first had the rice part alone, then had rice with saalan, then had the chicken.

“Yum Yum Yum…”

Who knows, may be the biriyani wasn’t that great according to the normal standards of Hyderabadi Biriyani, but we wouldn’t know, we wouldn’t care. We were waiting for months for this… and we were hogging with grace!

We are proud Biriyanists! All hail Biriyanism!

(I think I just invented two words)

(To be continued...)

My Lunch- Planning, Planning, and Execution

My Lunch- Planning, Planning, and Execution

Lunch (26-06-13)

It was noon. I was hungry. I wanted to have lunch.

What I didn’t want was to have lunch from either the EFLU hostel mess or Nissi Chapathi center. I wanted options. Options mean not the usual, mostly boring eateries in and around the university, in Tarnaka, in Sitaphalmandi etc. Here I exempt my dear ‘Kim Fung’. I love the place. It is not boring at all. I didn’t want to go there just because I had lunch there yesterday. What was it? Hunan Wonton Soup-Veg, Soya Chilli Wine Noodle -Chicken(all-time Kim Fung favourite), Spicy Basil Rice-Mixed (with prawns), some Spicy Chicken curry with some kind of sauce (forgot the name, the name was long, but looked tasty), with Vanesh and Dwija. The last two named are my friends, not eatables.

So, I was hungry the next day, which is today. I thought of all the places nearby I knew and was not satisfied at all. The time was 2 o clock. I was hungry. I asked Sindhu who was helping me book tickets to Kozhikode. Together we both began saying places where I could go for lunch. ‘Alpha hotel’ I said in between. Sindhu’s face brightened up suddenly and she made an exclamation sound. ‘Go go... go to Alpha, have biriyani she said. I liked the idea but decided not to because I didn’t have the hunger to eat one full Alpha biriyani. The thought of nice, hot basmati rice and spicy, tender chicken pieces made me hungrier though. At last Sindhu suggested, ‘Go to Suprabhat Habsiguda and have Ghee Idli. It is nice.’ My natural not-so-fondness towards Vegetarian hotels almost made me say no but then I thought, why not try that out. More than the word ‘Idli’, it was the word ‘Ghee’ which tempted me… hehe.  So, after one hour almost, I made my decision, finally.

A nice random bike-person gave me a lift till Tarnaka (Thank you unknown person!). When I was crossing the road I saw a guy selling something in a small mobile stall. I couldn’t resist looking. I was some white, solidified, milk looking thing which he cuts and gives in a small plastic cup for 10 bucks. I didn’t care what the thing was, just wanted to have it. My hands immediately handed him ten bucks and there I had, yummy milk pudding kind of thing (still doesn’t know its name), ha, what an appetizer!

So, I reach Suprabhat in a while. The normal veg meals which people were ordering and having (normal rice with lots of curries and one puri, little lemon rice, little curd rice, etc) made me confused. I stood there for 2-3 minutes looking at the menu, thinking of just the meals and the ghee idli, which I had in mind all the while. I gathered all my mental strength and told the guy on the counter, “ghee idli and single vada please.”

Dear Sindhu Jose aka Sindhuchechi alias Sindhu, you made my day! Right when the guy in food-giving section took two idlis from the oven (is it called oven?) and put two spoonfuls of ghee on top of it infront of me, I was in love with the dish. The idli and the vada was accompanied by sambaar, coconut chutney, and kaaram podi (the podi too had ghee all over it… made me happy happy haappyy!). After one idli and half the vada I no longer cared about the aesthetics of eating… I put everything together, poured all of the saambar on top, mixed-up and savoured it slowly slowly, till my fingers licked good.

Even though I was not fully hunger relieved, I decided not to eat more and left the place, chewing on a meeta paan. I got on a bus to Mehdipatanam and took a ticket to Jamai Osmania, which is just nearby. By the time I reached Jamai Osmania, I was convinced in my mind that God let me get on this bus till Mehdipatanam, and not any other buses through the place is because of the destiny that I should go and have haleem at Sarvi’s, Mehdipatanam. Even though it is not Ramzan season yet, due to popular demand, some outlets like Sarvi’s had started serving haleem. I took another ticket from the conductor, to Mehdipatanam.

After I got down, I rushed to Sarvi’s and asked if haleem was ready. They said I had to wait for half an hour. I was hungry hungry. The thought of haleem had been in my mind all through the journey. I decided to walk around a bit. I did. In the meanwhile, I had two singal tea, chota samosa, and two osmania biscuits from a worn down, being renovated, housefly-filled, next-to-three-meat-stalls,  Haasan Cafe. The Osmania biscuits were cold, dry, and the worst I ever had. Tea and samosa were good. 5 o clock. Half an hour has passed. I rushed to Sarvi’s and ordered haleem. The first spoon of the Hyderabad Ramzan specialty itself took me to taste heavens. The perfectly cooked mutton, the fine, melting bones of it, the ghee-cashew- pudina-fried onion garnishing on top…. Oh, what taste! Oh, how I miss this city, my alternate food heaven! (The other one being Kerala, of course)

One more meeta paan and I was done. The time- 5:30pm.

There, that’s the story of my lunch today. May all people who have read this get nice-nice food in the coming days! Haappy Eating!

An Attempted Travelogue

An Attempted Travelogue

KSRTC Super Fast Journey (KKD-BNGLR) (22-06-13)

So, I am travelling from Calicut, sorry, Kozhikode to Hyderabad via Bangalore, sorry, Bengaluru. I am sitting in a KSRTC Super Fast (Kerala SRTC not the Karnataka one) which has just crossed Mysore. I am pretty much bored and my sleeping quota for the day is over. The date is 22^nd June (it’s already 22^nd???  I never knew… had to check my mobile to confirm… who cares about dates when they are jobless).

I started from home at around 8 in the morning. Right when I was about to call an auto till the bus stop, Jobin (my cousin) came on a Black Honda Activa like an angel and offered me to drop off till the stop. Ha, I was glad; I had saved twenty rupees by 8 ‘o’ clock in the morning… yay! (I know I am writing all sorts of bullshit which no one really is interested in but pardonne moi, I’m bored.)

 As with most of my journeys I had already planned what to eat from the restaurants which I come across. For example, I wanted to have breakfast from the canteen in Kozhikode Moffusil bus stand. During my bus journey from Koodaranji to Kozhikode, I thought what should I eat? Porotta? Appam? Puttu? Dosa? Pathiri? I finalized on 1 Porotta and 2 Pathiris (I couldn’t make up my mind to a single item). With them, Cherupayar curry or Kadala curry would make me really happy. Ha! Plan made, wonderful! I began dreaming about the food (as it happens most of the times). The journey was uneventful for the rest except for the conversation I overheard between two school kids about whose movies were better, Asif Ali’s or Surya’s (Really???)

Once I reached Kozhikode I rushed to the aforesaid canteen, without even checking the timings of the next Bangalore bus. Unfortunately, the place had no Pathiri, no Cherupayar, no Kadala even. What a letdown!  I immediately said bye-bye to the waiter and rushed to the nearest restaurant. Ha! There I am, having what I wanted- Porotta, Pathiri, Kadala and Chaai- made my day by 10 o clock!

Now there was a problem, it was raining heavily. I had to get back to the bus stand. I have an umbrella; I don’t want it to be wet. So I ran to the bus stand in between the heavy traffic of Mavoor road. I caught the Banglore bus right on time, my hair, my 10 year old, black Lacoste t-shirt (one of my oldest friends now), mostly wet. I had saved my umbrella from getting wet successfully, but not so sure about my laptop, my camera, my valuable certificates, yay!

The Wayanad Churam (mountain pass) was rainy and foggy- enjoyed the hairpin bends, the view, and took photographs. Sultan Bathery bus station was interestingly infested with monkeys. Some of them even got on the bus. "Lucky ticketless travellers!", exclaimed a guy next to me. The monkeys jumped off once the bus started.

Oh, I am unable to get the movie I watched yesterday from my head. Left Right Left by Arun Kumar Aravind. The dialogues, the characters, the actors, keep on coming to my mind- what a brave political movie!  

Traffic Jam, Traffic Jam now! I am somewhere near Srirangapattanam I guess. Oh the mighty soul of Tippu Sultan, help our poor bus out of it soon! From Karnataka the bus on the side, a veiled girl is looking at me… “Hi”. What timing for “Ormakkai ini oru snehageetham..” to play through my earphones! The Jam is over… bye-bye Ayesha… oh, yes, I named her.

‘Sri Varalakshmi Milatary hotel’ – What the hell is a ‘milatary’ hotel?

Back to past- I was excited about the part of the journey through the Muthanga wildlife sanctuary and Bandipur national park. As always, I hoped to see a tiger or leopard, but had to be satisfied by three wild elephants and a small herd of deers.  

Once you cross Bandipur, you feel the absolute difference in terrain and climate. The rainy rainy mountainous terrain is replaced by plain land and dryness. The rubber trees and areacanuts were replaced by sunflowers and cabbages. I saw the Sun after one week or so; I distinctly remember last noticing the Sun on 15^th June when I was in SpiceTree Munnar.

One other interesting thing I noticed is how the playlist in your mind automatically changes when you see something. For example, when I was passing through the beautiful green Bandipur, I had all romantic songs like ‘Ethrayo Janmamai’, ‘Varamanjal’ and ‘Pachai Nirame’. I crossed Bandipur and saw the Nilgiri Mountains behind me and it changed to “Neelagiriyude sakhikale...” When I saw the sunflowers the KJ Yesudas of my brain shifted drastically to S Janaki with “Suryakanthi… Suryakaanthi…”

I think I am done writing for now. The reason might either be that I don’t have anything more to write or that my ass is hurting sitting like this and typing in a KSRTC. On a last but different note, I would also like to marry the singer who sang “Theeratha poga vaanam…” for David.  She would be my second singer-fantasy-wife after Shreya Ghoshal.

Tatabyebye!

Appam

Appam

(or Dosa, or Bread, for those who prefer)

Once upon a time, there was one appam,
many birds saw it and fought for the appam,
In the meantime, a cunning fox came and took the appam,
Everyone lived happily ever after, without appam!

Perfect Assignment

Perfect Assignment

(Dedicated to all students)

There are 5 steps or C's for doing a perfect assignment...

I don't know why it took so many years for me to finally figure it out,

even though i have been following those steps closely for years...

Life is like that, sometimes we are slow, and dumb...

Anyways, the 5 steps or C's for a perfect assignment are,

1. Ctrl+A

2. Ctrl+C

3. Ctrl+V

4. Ctrl+S

and finally, 

5. Ctrl+P

Out of all these, the 2nd and 3rd are the most important... 

(Tip: Keeping deadlines are not endorsed by this theory even though it might succumb to them at times according to the threat level/meter of the teacher)

Hell

Real Story

I am sitting in front of the computer watching 'simpsons' while eating...
Me (shouting): Mom, water...!
(She says something, I couldn't hear)
Me: Water!
Mom(shouting): I AM STUDYING!
*
*
*
How much worse can it go?